Brass Bed Read online

  “That was very pleasant,” Jolly said. “I admit that I enjoyed it a great deal.”

  “I’m glad I was able to give satisfaction.”

  “You did, Felix. You really did. It was a very satisfying kiss.”

  “Would you care for another?”

  “Yes, I would. I was just about to ask you.”

  I kissed her again, and Fran remained polite and silent for the duration of this one also, but then she decided that she had made sufficient concession to courtesy, short of going away and not looking, so she cleared her throat, and we stepped apart and looked up at her.

  “Hey, you guys,” she called, “we’re all about to have a beer. You better come up.”

  “All right,” I said. “We’ll be right up.”

  Fran turned and disappeared and we could hear her telling the others that we were coming and that Harvey might as well plug two more cans.

  “I guess we’d better,” I said.

  “Go up? Yes, I guess we had.”

  “Fran saw us kissing, you know. Does it matter?”

  “Oh, no, not at all. Fran knows all about how it is between us. She’s very loyal, and I tell her positively everything.”

  “Everything? Even things like what happened that one night in the spring?”

  “Do you mind?”

  “Strangely enough, I believe I do,” I said.

  “I consider that rather odd, Felix. I had no idea you were so reticent about things. If anything like that happens again, I promise not to tell her about it.”

  “Thank you for respecting my reticence. However, I’ll try to see that it doesn’t happen.”

  “Is your mind definitely made up on that point? Personally, I think it would be rather pleasant if it did.”

  “The pleasantness of it is beside the point, and my mind is definitely made up. Shall we go have a beer?”

  “Perhaps you’d better wipe off the lipstick first.”

  I wiped it off on my handkerchief, and she went up the path ahead of me to the top of the bank and across to the cabin. Fran was wearing bright red shorts that showed off practically all of her good legs, and Kirby and Sid were wearing slacks and T-shirts and canvas shoes. Kirby looked disgustingly virile, and when he lifted his can of beer to take a swallow, the muscle made a hard knot in his arm. He was a great one for active stuff, as I said, playing a lot of handball and things like that, and he was a guy who could wear a T-shirt and get away with it.

  “Hello, Felix,” he said.

  “How are you?” I said.

  “I’m fine. Feeling great. This is a mighty nice spot for fishing you fellows have here.”

  “Well, it’s pretty good. About all we catch is bullheads, though.”

  “No channel cats?”

  “Once in a while you can get one down by the gravel bar, but not very often. I was just down trying, but I didn’t have any luck.”

  “I’d like to try myself. Would you consider letting me use your rod a little later?”

  “Sure. Any time.”

  He was being very friendly as a part of his new policy, and I didn’t like it. It is no pleasure at any time to hate a man who has done you no harm deliberately, but it is especially no pleasure to hate a man like that when he is practicing a policy of being friendly. I went over and got a beer and sat down on the ground beside Fran. She was sitting Indian fashion, with her feet crossed at the ankles in front of her and her good legs displayed effectively. After being in the ice chest all night, the beer was extremely cold and made my teeth ache with the first swallow.

  Kirby got a beer from Harvey for Jolly and carried it to her and remained beside her with his left arm around her waist. She looked up at him and smiled, and I was exorbitantly pleased to notice that her lipstick was a little smeared from the kissing on the gravel bar. Fran was looking up sidewise at Sid.

  “Sid,” she said, “why don’t you get yourself a sociable beer?”

  “No, thanks,” Sid said. “I don’t care for beer.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t care for it? Are you too good to drink plain beer like the rest of us? Maybe you think Harvey and Felix ought to shake you up a martini or something.”

  “Oh, cut it out, Fran. I just don’t like beer, that’s all. Is there any law against not liking beer?”

  “That’s not the point, Sid. You are absolutely incapable of seeing anything clearly. The point is, here are Felix and Harvey sharing their beer with us, which is the very most they have to offer, a kind of widow’s mite or something like that, and there you are adopting the perfectly disgusting and snobbish attitude that beer is something you just don’t happen to like.”

  “God-damn it,” Sid said, “it’s not an attitude at all. It’s my taste, that’s all. Taste is not an attitude.”

  “It’s all right,” I said. “Harvey and I are sorry that Sid doesn’t like beer, but it’s quite all right if he doesn’t.”

  “No, it isn’t all right.” Fran shook her head. “You are only being courteous, Felix. I don’t know why you should bother being courteous with someone who only bothers to be rude and snobbish about your beer. As for me, I like your beer very much, and I intend to drink several cans of it at least.”

  “You are more than welcome to all you want.”

  “Thank you. I knew I could expect you to be courteous and generous. There are some people you can always count on for courtesy and generosity, and there are other people you can only count on for rudeness and snobbishness.” She had switched her eyes from Sid to me, and now switched them back again. “You have made a great issue yourself, Sid, about being a social drinker, and now you refuse to drink beer and be sociable. What are you, a stinking apostate or something? Haven’t you the courage of your convictions? I would like to remind you that you are committed to drinking for the sake of sociability, and it is your moral obligation to do so.”

  Sid appealed desperately to me. “Tell her it’s all right, Felix. For God’s sake, tell her.”

  “I’ve already told her,” I said, “and it didn’t seem to do any good.”

  “That’s the trouble,” he said. “Nothing seems to do any good. Absolutely nothing has any effect on her. She’s irrational, that’s what’s the matter with her. Sometimes I think she’s really unbalanced.”

  “Mentally, you mean? Do you mean mentally?” Fran fixed him with a scornful gaze. “You are merely trying to avoid justified criticism by making wild counter-accusations, Sid. There is far too much of that kind of thing being done these days, and I consider such tactics to be beneath contempt, if you want my honest opinion. I will add in fairness, however, that I am surprised to find you resorting to them. In spite of the weakness of your character, of which I am well aware, I honestly didn’t think you would stoop so low.”

  “Didn’t you hear Felix say it was all right? Didn’t you hear him?”

  “You needn’t appeal to others to defend you, either,” Fran said. “That’s cowardly. The more you talk, Sid, the worse impression you give of yourself. I’d advise you to quit talking altogether. The truth is, you are obligated to drink a beer and be agreeable, and you are trying to shirk your obligation, and that’s all there is to it.”

  “Damn it to hell, Jolly said I was a pig for drinking something I didn’t really want, and now you say I’m an apostate and a coward and God knows what because I don’t drink something I don’t want. What kind of sense is that?”

  “Oh, don’t be childish, Sid. I simply can’t understand why you persist in trying to confuse the issue.”

  “All right, all right. All right, God-damn it. If it’ll make you happy, I’ll drink a beer if it kills me.”

  “That’s better. I don’t know why you couldn’t have been reasonable to start with.”

  Sid went over and got a beer and stood holding it, and Fran looked across at Kirby and Jolly and saw how he was standing with his arm around her.

  “Isn’t that cute?” she said. “Had you heard? Kirby’s being pals with Jolly, and e
verything is perfectly rosy. It’s almost like a honeymoon or something.”

  Kirby smiled at her pleasantly and pulled Jolly tighter against him with the arm around her waist.

  “Go to hell, Fran,” he said. “You know better than to try that hocus-pocus with me.”

  Fran turned to me and said, “It’s true. It’s very difficult to make any progress with Kirby because he’s so virile and crude. If you make him angry, he just hits you in the eye, and that’s all there is to it.”

  “The fact of the matter is,” Kirby said, “you’re just a crazy dame. You’re nuts. That’s what Sid meant by all those fancy words, but he was too soft to come right out with it.”

  “Well, you’re not too soft. I admit that. You’re big and tough and can black any woman’s eye in the world without half trying. I will concede, however, that there’s been a very agreeable change in you for the moment, you being palsy and just too God-damn compatible and everything, but it’s my opinion that the change is against your nature and won’t last.” She turned to me again. “That’s another thing that’s making Sid so sulky, you know. Had you noticed how sulky he is, being contrary about the beer and all? It’s because Kirby is being pals with Jolly and is forever putting his arm around her and kissing her publicly. Sid is end-over-elbows in love with Jolly himself, and he resents it.”

  “For Christ’s sake, Fran, shut up,” Sid said.

  Kirby laughed and waved his beer can magnanimously.

  “Forget it, Sid. Forget the crazy dame. You don’t think I pay a damn bit of attention to anything she says, do you?”

  He knew perfectly well, however, that Sid was in love with Jolly. It was quite apparent, and his attitude was not really one of generosity, but of contempt. He just didn’t take any competition from old Sid seriously, considering it a kind of joke, and Sid knew that he was being treated with contempt, and it made things very bad for him. His face went white, and he stood looking down at his can of beer without saying anything.

  “Just look at him,” Fran said. “Isn’t that disgusting? Sometimes I think it’s simply ridiculous of me to concern myself with him or ever try to help him solve any of his problems at all. It’s depressing, that’s what it is. Well, I’ve done all I can to make him behave properly, and now I’m going to put him completely out of my mind. What lovely whiskers you have, Felix! I must say that I find them admirable.”

  “They’re not really whiskers yet,” I said. “They’re just stubble.”

  “They’re very luxuriant, however, and show a lot of promise. I suggest that you let them grow.”

  “I don’t think I’d care for whiskers on myself. Anyhow, Harvey’s are much superior. His are light and don’t show up so well in the early stages, but they are actually thicker and of finer quality.”

  “Is that so?” She leaned forward and peered closely at Harvey, who had sat down on the ground by himself a little way off. “Is he telling the truth, Harvey?”

  “I’m sorry to say that he isn’t,” Harvey said. “I’m bound to say that I don’t consider my whiskers exceptional at all.”

  “Do you mind if I inspect them a little more closely?” Fran asked.

  “Not at all. Feel free to conduct any kind of inspection you like.”

  She got up and went over and sat down beside him on the ground. She inspected the stubble on Harvey’s face closely and finally rubbed a hand across it several times.

  “I’m unable to come to any conclusion,” she said. “Felix’s whiskers are nice, but yours are also nice. Do you know that I get a most peculiar sensation from rubbing them? The reason is, I’ve always had an abnormal desire to be kissed by a man with whiskers, and I’ve never managed to accomplish it. Would you consider kissing me just to satisfy an abnormal desire? I admit that I have a face that does not ordinarily incite one to kissing, but my legs are good. Don’t you agree that my legs are good?”

  She stretched them out for Harvey to look at, and I could see that old Harvey was a little puzzled as to what good legs had to do with kissing, but after a moment he obviously abandoned the whole line of thought as being one that might lead to a serious confusion of functions.

  “Your legs are extremely good,” he said gallantly, “but I don’t see anything wrong with your face, either.”

  “It’s very kind of you to say so,” she said, “but it isn’t necessary to lie. As between legs and faces, I will take excellence in the former every time.”

  “Well,” said Harvey, “so will I, so far as that goes.”

  “In that case, are you willing to fulfill my desire to be kissed by a man with whiskers?”

  “I’m willing to fulfill the desire, all right, but I’d rather do it sometime when I can put a little more into it.”

  “What do you mean? Because Jolly and Kirby and Felix and Sid are here? What incredible shyness. Are you really that shy?”

  “Yes, I am. I’m painfully shy.”

  “Don’t you find it rather a handicap?”

  “To tell the truth, I do. It’s a positive curse.”

  “In a way, however, I find it rather appealing. Quite charming. I think I am liking you better and better all the time, and I am grateful to Felix for calling my attention to your whiskers.”

  “You can always count on Felix to come up with a good idea. He does it instinctively.”

  “I agree with that. Felix is a remarkable fellow. However, I am more concerned with you at the moment than I am with him. Although I find your shyness charming, I also find it a nuisance. Do you think you would be less shy if we were alone?”

  “I think it quite likely,” Harvey said.

  “Perhaps we could slip away together a little later. I am most anxious to have you kiss me.”

  “I guess it could be arranged.”

  Fran smiled. “It’s agreed, then, that we’ll slip away. In the meantime, I suggest that we all have another beer. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “I certainly do. It’s as good an idea as Felix himself could have.”

  He got up and started plugging cans, and Kirby took his arm from around Jolly’s waist but captured her free hand in his and stood there holding it.

  “That’s a crazy woman,” he said. “She’s got the morals of an alley cat.”

  “Fran?” Jolly said incredulously. “You mean Fran?”

  “Certainly I mean Fran,” Kirby said. “Didn’t you hear her practically begging the poor guy to kiss her?”

  “Well, I never heard such nonsense in my life. What on earth has a kiss got to do with morals?”

  “It’s not the kiss. It’s her begging him that way in front of all of us.”

  “Oh, don’t be so vulgar, Kirby. I accept you as a pal, but I can’t permit you to slander poor Fran that way. Besides, she merely suggested that he kiss her. She didn’t beg at all.”

  “Sure, sure. Next thing, she’ll merely be suggesting that he lay her.”

  “I’m sure she won’t suggest anything of the kind. Fran is my very best friend, and I know her better than anyone else in the world, and I’m sure she’ll leave any suggestion like that entirely up to Harvey.” Jolly jerked her hand out of Kirby’s angrily. “You have made me simply furious, Kirby, and I don’t believe I care to hold hands with you any longer.”

  She went over and sat down on the ground with her back against a tree. Kirby flushed and seemed to be savoring the anticipation of a black eye or two, but then he remembered that he was a pal and began to laugh.

  “I confess that I’m a simple fellow,” he said, “and can’t understand these fine distinctions. If no one has any objection, I think I’ll go down and see if I can land a channel cat. May I borrow your rod now, Felix?”

  “Certainly.”

  “You may be down there quite a while,” Harvey said, “so you had better take several cans of beer with you. There’s an extra opener that you may take also.”

  “Thanks,” Kirby said. “That’s a good idea.”

  He got the rod and three cans
of beer and the opener and went down over the bank to the gravel bar. Harvey served beer around, and everyone took a can except Sid, who hadn’t yet made much progress with his first one. When he had finished serving, Harvey went back and sat down beside Fran, and they began to talk. Sid lay down on his back and curved one arm up over his eyes and didn’t move for a long time. I looked at Jolly, and she looked at me, and I wanted her.

  8

  QUITE A few empty beer cans accumulated in the passing of quite a bit of time, and at some point in the passing of the time, Jolly came over and lay down on the ground with her head in my lap. Sid lifted his arm from his eyes and looked at us and lowered his arm again and entered another period of not moving. Fran and Harvey kept talking with each other, and every once in a while Fran would rub a hand over Harvey’s whiskers for the sensation it gave her.

  “I was just thinking that it’s been five years,” Jolly said.

  “What’s been five years?” I said.

  “Since Kirby and I were married. Would you believe it?”

  “Five years is a long time, but not incredibly so.”

  “Not nearly so long as forever, of course.”

  “Not nearly.”

  “That’s how long it’s been since you and I have not been married, I mean. Forever.”

  “That’s not incredible, either. Lots of people have not been married since forever.”

  “I fail absolutely to see what lots of people have to do with it. Speaking of you and me specifically, I certainly consider it incredible that forever should have passed without our being married sometime or other. Do you suppose we could have been married in some previous life or something?”

  “No, I don’t. I don’t suppose anything of the kind.”

  “Do you believe in previous lives?”